How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
