i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
