you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
