Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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