remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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