How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
