So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
