i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
