literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
