we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
