Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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