Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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