My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
