she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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