I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
