Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
