i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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