I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
