i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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