In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
