So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
