she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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