If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
