Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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