I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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