Apparently you make a good broom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
