I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
