Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize