I heard we made out
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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