How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
