I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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