But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
