If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
