She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
