I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
