i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
