if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
