Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
