the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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