I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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