well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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