the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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