I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I looked at my own cervix.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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