I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
