I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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