I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
