Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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