you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
