A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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