Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
