I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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