Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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