Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
