About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
