this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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