remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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