I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
