I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
