Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
