my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
