Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
