haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
