Ambien. No doubt about it.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
