Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
