I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
