Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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