I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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