In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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