New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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