i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were destined to go to rehab together
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
