Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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